And Over One Year Later I'm Still Here -- A Year in my Life 2020-2021

June 10th, 2020 was my last published piece on this blog and a lot has happened this past year. 

Spring 2020 I got a message from my pastor asking to meet via zoom and discuss matters for a leadership position I was taking on in the fall. When I got on the zoom call he informed me that he actually had a job offer for me. After a couple weeks, I decided to accept the offer and became the Multimedia Producer for Grant Avenue Baptist Chruch. 

I started training in June and took over the position in July. Starting off was extremely stressful. I had no experience with video editing, and I took over for an individual whom I often compared my own skills to. We are both photographers and I let my ego drown in self-declared disappointment. 

I was taking on a leadership position in the fall and to prep for my time as a small group leader for our campus ministry, OSU Epic, I was asked to co-lead a summer bible study. My co-leader and I were both new leaders and were mentored by an alum who led us to successful and meaningful study sessions.

Snow day in Corvallis, OR - February 2021

Fall term was rough and can be summed up as: unmotivated, wall after wall, pessimistic, and stuck. School was hard to do. Most of the time I couldn't find the will to open my laptop. Small group was okay. I did all my planning day-of and beat myself up for it.

I'm also very in-touch with my emotions and negative energy is an easy distraction from work. Fall term I found myself in a negative study environment that made it very difficult to be productive.

Round 1, Eugene OR. Won some prizes, ate some good food.

Late November 2020, I had a falling out with a friend and ended up moving friend groups. I needed the change. My mental health became more stable being around more positive people and my motivation levels perked up a bit. It still wasn't where it needed to be. 

Winter term 2021 was better. I felt myself getting back on track. I was feeling remorse for isolating myself from Epic during the Fall term and was strengthening relationships. 

Jobe and the Homies live Christmas performance at
Grant Avenue Baptist Church. I have filmed and
edited their planned-production music videos.

Spring term brought burnout, a failed attempt to get some mental health issues diagnosed, new friends, and depression.

Burnout resulted from lack of rest, consistently saying, "yes," never slowing down, and never putting myself first.

The failed attempt at getting a diagnosis came about because the doctors never gave me the official diagnosis, though they put it in my notes. A month ago I called my doctor and got the official diagnosis, ADHD and anxiety.

Winter term I went to a virtual conference for my college ministry and made friends with folks from around the country. After months of video chats, group games online, and texting, we finally met in 3D here in Oregon for a week. It was a packed and exhausting week, but I would do it all again in a heartbeat.

We still converse regularly and have been a huge support system for each other. We're hoping to do an annual trip together. 

Epic Conference friends met in OR May
2021. The photo was taken at Seal Rock.

Depression. Started sinking early spring term, but was able to hide it with excuses-- burnout, friends graduating, friends dispersing. I hid it so well I didn't recognize it till June.

Summer: Clawed out of a pit, kept my chin up so my pride and pain didn't slip and fall at my feet for the world to see.

August: Doubt. Reconnecting. 

September: The most interactions I've had since pre-Covid. Chaos-- an extrovert retreating from the battlefield that is OSU's campus, Week 0, 2021.

Fall term: ADHD and Depression treatment, therapy, book club, personal narratives, challenges that keep coming up. 

Self-portrait was taken for a personal narrative
for LBCC's newspaper, The Commuter.

This month: Car issues. Fear of comparison and disappointing others. Still kicking, mental preparations to tackle each week. 

Work updates: I quit Dixon Rec. I am interning for the outreach department at the Albany Police Department. Babysitting for two families.

School update: Applying for GFU and SFI. Going to get my BA and (hopefully) MA in Film Production. Might apply to UCLA, UT Austin, and UW Milwaukee for my BA too. We'll see.

Yeah, that's been my year.